So my gathering was almost a week ago. Just a little update on the success that was my cooking – the hummus went over well (though not many people ate it, so I wonder if it really went over well or if people were just saying it did to make me feel warm & fuzzy on the inside. I’m going to go with it actually being tasty and still keep the warm fuzzies). The red pepper cream/dip/sauce/juice was a bit bland, so we put cheese on top. Cheese makes everything better. The guacamole was too salty, and the seven layer dip was phenomenal. It was the first to go.
Actually, lets just start there.
Seven Layer Dip
(and by that I mean six layer dip…)
Taste – Deeeeelicious.
Preparation Score – Several Confused Moments and One Screw Up
Overall Outcome – I would make this again in a heartbeat… only I’d buy the guacamole. Not sure I want to lose another knife.
Had to copy and paste this one. Fairly certain I didn’t mess it up… This recipe comes from the iPad app My Recipe Book. If you need a fantastic recipe book app for your iDevice, get that. I’ve already put in some of my favourite Dutch dishes (given to me by my mother… who got the recipe from her mother/a cookbook… not entirely certain where… and don’t much care).
- 1 Can Refried Beans
- 8 Ozs Shredded Cheese
- 1 Pack Taco Seasoning
- 6 Ozs Salsa
- 1 Can Olives (Sliced)
- 8 Ozs Guacamole
- Layer ingredients, with beans on the bottom.
- Chill and serve with chips.
Yes… it’s that simple. Unless you’re me (which you aren’t, because only I’m me).
Seven Really Means Six
So I took everything out (all five ingredients, because I didn’t use olives. The birthday boy is allergic and there’s no way I was going to risk a hospital visit on his birthday. Granted, I probably shouldn’t have cooked… but no hospital visits were needed so I guess everything turned out ok!) After taking out the five ingredients I thought to myself…
ME: Shouldn’t I have six ingredients if it’s a seven layer dip minus one ingredient? Maybe I counted wrong. Maybe my math skills have slipped considerable.
But alas, no. It’s not my math skills that have slipped. It’s the person who made the recipe that needs to go back to grade 1. Scroll back up a moment and count the ingredients… that’s right. There are only six. For a seven layer dip.
I’m still trying to wrap my brain around that one.
I was planning on making two versions – vegetarian (with cheese) and vegan (sans cheese). So I guess really I made a five and a four layer dip. Anyway, time for the good part.
The Screw Up
I believe whole heartedly that I’m capable of screwing even the simplest of cooking instructions up. I’ve even made Kraft Dinner wrong. Yes. I f’d up on KD. (I put the powdered cheese into the boiling water… and I was in grade 11 at the time, so I have no excuses).
In this case, I got out all of the ingredients and stared at them for a bit. Then cooked up the “refried” beans (still not certain they were actually refried beans) and proceeded to grab my homemade guacamole. I happily spread the green paste like substance onto the bottom of my dishes (sandwich tupperware, because I’m that classy). It was only then that I realized something was amiss. So I checked the directions again.
Yep. Right there in step 1… “beans on the bottom”. You’d think I’d have learned from my Tamari/Tahini incident with the hummus that I should be reading things all the way to the end before starting. But no. I didn’t learn.
Pft. I’m too old for learning.
So I scraped out my guacamole and then poured in the beans and repeated the guacamole step. That was fun.
Where oh Where does the Taco Seasoning Go?
Once I’d put in my three main layers, I came to the conclusion that the people who wrote this recipe were on crack. Or some sort of drug that makes you think things are there that really aren’t. Or makes you believe you can layer a powdered substance sufficiently without it melting into the liquidy salsa below. I think I stood there with the Taco Seasoning for at least a minute or two just staring with a confused look on my face.
ME: “What am I supposed to do now?”
OTHER ME (don’t judge, I know you have an “other” you!): Maybe just … pour it on.
ME: But this is spicy… won’t it be too spicy? And what if I don’t spread it evenly?
OTHER ME: Is there a spoon? I should use a spoon to spread it…
ME: Yes, I used a spoon for the guacamole! There it is, right there. See it other me?
OTHER ME: Yes I see it. Stop acting like a crazy person and get this done.
So then I stopped having a fake conversation with myself (I made those last two lines up by the way… Really. I’m not crazy. I’m not. Stop looking at me that way.) My solution was in fact to pour the seasoning on, distributed as evenly as possible and then spread that shit with a spoon. Not shit… Seasoning. I didn’t put shit in my seven layer dip… though that seventh layer did need to come from somewhere….. I mean. Um. Back to the real narrative.
With the seasoning (sufficiently invisible because it melted into the salsa below) spread “evenly” (it really wasn’t even) onto my dip I only had one remaining layer left – the cheese. That was easy! Especially since I’d purchased a bag of pre-grated cheese at the grocery store… Sometimes I applaud my forward thinking (I really hate washing the cheese grater… it ruins my sponges.)
The Final Seven/Six/Five/Four/Three Layer Dip
Here’s another picture from the side (so you can see through the tupperware into the layered-i-ness that isn’t really all that visible…
Thus ends the tragic tale of the seven layer dip that was really a six layer dip but turned into a five layer dip and looks like a four layer dip unless you don’t put cheese, then it looks like a three layer dip. Confusion (and run on sentence) aside, it’s the most amazing dip I’ve ever made. And I can honestly say it’s not the only dip I’ve ever made! Granted, my dip making skills include the hummus and the red pepper spread-turned-dip, but that’s besides the point.
Side thought: I think the crack addicted recipe writers actually forgotten an ingredient or two. One being meat (the assumption being that the taco seasoning was supposed to be in the ground beef/hamburger your fry up) and the other… well, I haven’t the faintest idea what the other ingredient would be. Maybe it’s shit and they had to edit it out. They just accidentally deleted the line above it that said “meat”. Though, I think shit would’ve severely detracted from the awesomeness that is this dish. Plus… ew.